


Fucked up

by HappyKonny



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Youtube RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 23:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10685193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyKonny/pseuds/HappyKonny
Summary: Jack had fucked up, he had fucked up really badly.He had to hurry up to make it in time, his instincts telling him that he didn't have much time.He just hoped he wouldn't ruin the life of so many people, because he fucked up





	Fucked up

Jack had fucked up. He knew he had fucked up and if he didn't hurry, if he wasn't fast enough, then he wouldn't just have ruined one life, he wouldn't have just ruined the life of one of the most important people in his world and his own. No, he would've ruined the life of millions of people, he'd ruin the life of a family and of friends. If he wasn't fast enough, he'd have to live with the guilt of having lost someone and being the reason that so many people would loose someone.

He ran down the sidewalk, the key to his destination still in his hand. He had never given it back, he hadn't after their fight, after he had unconsciously broken a heart. He hadn't known about the feelings, that his feelings weren't one-sided. He hadn't stayed long enough to see pure pain in those beautiful brown eyes Jack had fallen in love with. He hadn't turned around once after he had slammed the door shut, he hadn't been there to see, to hear, the man he loved break down.  
He had been egoistical, he had thought that destroying any chances with him would be better than have his own heart broken. He should've never raised his voice, he should've never _hit him_. He should've stayed calm, he should've explained everything, he _should've told him_. But he hadn't, instead he had hit him, he had yelled at him. He had destroyed everything they once had. He had fucked up real bad.

It had been a few hours, Jack had gone to a hotel to calm down, before going to him the next day to gather his things and leave to go back to Ireland. He had ignored his phone on the way to his temporary stay, no matter how much it buzzed. He had figured it would be him, he had assumed it would be words of anger or something like it. But Jack had never been so wrong in his life before, and he realized only how badly he had fucked up once he had spend an hour at the hotel. When he finally looked at his messages, seeing that they really were from who he thought of. The latest message his screen showed upon being awoken hadn't worried him, but he checked them all anyways. It were just words on a screen, no actual shouts in his face after all.

_**Jack I know I've been nothing but a problem to you** _

_**I know I didn't treat you like you wanted, or maybe even deserved** _

_**I've been inconsiderate** _

_**I've just been acting on how I felt and now you hate me** _

_**It's okay though  
I won't be your problem anymore** _

_**I just wanted you to know something, since you're most likely hating me anyways already** _

_**I love you** _

_**Sorry, I know you don't feel that way** _

_**I hope you'll be okay** _

_**I'm going to miss you...** _

At first, Jack had felt incredible guilt. He loved him. _He felt the same way_. Jack tried calling him as soon as he got the courage to apologize to him, as soon as he was ready to talk. But no one picked up. It wasn't until Jack read the messages over again and again, that he came to a possibility as to why he wouldn't answer his phone. Hoping he was wrong, already getting up and leaving the room, he texted Felix to call him, to see if he just didn't pick up because it was Jack calling. But once he was informed that no one answered, Jack began to run.  
He was panicked, he was scared for his life. He was scared he had fucked up so badly, even though he knew that he had been having problems with depression. He never was diagnosed with it, but sometimes Jack could swear he could have it anyways. And that was what scared Jack right now, because he knew how self-destructive he could be when he was breaking down and couldn't bring himself to smile.

He was out of breath once he was in front of the apartment door, his muscles burned, but he didn't care. Using the key he still had, he unlocked the door to his best friend's, to his crush's, home and entered, not bothering to close the door behind him.  
"Mark?!", he called, the panic lacing his voice. He didn't get a response, so Jack immediately went to check the kitchen and the bathroom, glad he found no door unlocked.  
"Mark where are you? Answer, please!", Jack called again, running to Mark's recording room. He wasn't there either, so the only room left Jack hadn't at least seen yet was the man's bedroom. It was deadly silent in the apartment, which worried Jack immensely.

Going to the bedroom, Jack carefully tried to open the door. It wasn't locked, which didn't bring Jack much relief. He opened the door carefully, peeking inside.  
"Mark?", he called out again, seeing the man curled up on his bed. At first, the sight calmed Jack, while he walked inside. But he still hadn't gotten a response from the man, and he was sure he would've waken up from Jack's shouting if he had been asleep. His phone laid next to him, his hands next to his head.  
"Mark?..", Jack approached the man, his love, slowly. When he got closer, he gasped in horror when he saw the blood staining Mark's arms, the dark stain on his sheets under them. Jack rushed to his side, shaking Mark, trying to get him to wake up, to no avail.

Grabbing the phone laying on the bed, Jack immediately called an ambulance, tears already streaming down his face. He couldn't be too late, he couldn't be the cause for the death of his best friend, of the best man he knew. He refused to believe that Mark would die here, would die now. That he'd be at fault for it.  
"Mark, Mark, wake up", Jack shook him again, sniffing. "Mark I'm sorry. Please- please don't-", Jack hiccuped, shaking his head. He didn't want Mark to die. He wanted to apologize to him, he wanted to tell him what a stupid idiot he had been, he wanted to tell him that he loved him too.

Once the paramedics came, everything was a blur for Jack. How they took Mark, how he was going with them, since none of Mark's family were near. Jack hadn't wanted to leave Mark, even when he had to. He barely noticed getting asked questions, which he answered as best as he could. He felt no time passing at all, all the while feeling it moved way too slowly. Only when he was told Mark would live, that he was resting now, that he _wasn't dead_ , did Jack began to feel again.  
Sitting next to Mark's bed, holding his hand, trying to ignore the bandages around his arms. Jack looked at his peaceful face, and tears welled up in his eyes again. He had been terrified of loosing Mark, and he was so glad that he was still alive. That he hadn't been too late.

He woke up again when the hand he had been holding vanished. He had fallen asleep laying half on the bed, so Jack sat up straight again and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. As soon as his eyes were met with warm chocolate brown ones, Jack couldn't stop new tears gathering in his eyes. He embraced Mark in a hug, sobbing into the other man's shoulder openly.  
"I'm so sorry Mark", Jack sobbed, holding tightly onto Mark. "I didn't know- I was so fucking stupid not to see". He continued sobbing into Mark's shoulder, apologies spilling from his mouth. A little while passed, Jack calming down slightly, when he could feel Mark carefully hugging Jack back.  
"I thought you- you hated me", Mark muttered quietly, burying his face in Jack's neck. "I- I thought-", he was stopped by a sob of his own, and he clung tightly to Jack.  
"I was so afraid I lost you", Jack admitted quietly, holding Mark tightly, even if their position was uncomfortable. Even if they both were crying into each other.  
"I'm so fucking sorry Mark", Jack repeated himself once more, sniffing and finally leaning away from Mark. He sniffed as well, rubbing his eyes carefully.

"I- I love you too, Mark", Jack admitted to Mark, holding his hands tightly in his owns, but not meeting his eyes. "I just- I ever thought... you'd feel the same... I thought- I thought ending it before it gets worse would be the best...". Jack trailed off, staying silent after that. He was suddenly pulled into a hug again, even though it caused discomfort for Mark.  
"It's okay", he muttered into Jack's hair. "I'm... I'm sorry for being so stupid. For not telling.. for- for doing this", he sniffed again, tightening his hold on Jack.  
"I was just as stupid", Jack responded, a quiet chuckle finding its way into the air. Mark chuckled a little as well, nodding silently. They just held each other then, hoping they'd never have to live through this again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why I wrote this  
> It's not good, I'm sorry about that, but yeah  
> I wanted to write something entirely different, but couldn't bring it into a story so I WROTE THIS  
> Hope you enjoyed this?


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